Well Im so sorry that i didnt write in you yesterday journal. Ive been soooooooo depressed. Why you ask? Mary and her tennant in common Tony are thinking of splittin and its tearing me up. I dont wanna be going to different houses every other weekend and having more that 2 Xmases. I DONT WANNA! So I have a plan. Im gonna take each one of them. Knock em out. put there buts plane and drop each one off on a deserted island and wait 2 months. Cause when i reunite them, i wont be just a hero i will save their relationship and keep my 2Xmases. Ill keep you posted!

Well Im back from Vegas and I have found the path to happiness everybody!! AND ITS THROUGH MY SON THE MAGIC MAN! My son was doing magic right outside of the Criss Angel theatre place and he was makin more bank than leonard nemoy at a star trek convention. i can see it now. be exactly like jessica simpsons dad and be the best child star manager and keep all the money, but still keep my dignity and rep. oh yah baby. im first gonna buy my new house down there so i dont have to spend all the earnings on taxi and hotel costs and im still learning how to hot wire a plane so i can cut even more costs. Hey I gotta save money somehow in this economy. Why not make more of it by using my childs childhood. Maybe he will get as big as Michael Jackson but actually keep me in his will. talk to you tomorrow journal

Mary the cougar white has done the sweetest thing for me. IM GETTIN AN OVER THE PHONE PROSTATE EXAM! thats right im unleashing it all in front of Tony and Mary right before my best friends wedding. Oh sweet rubber duckies in a koi pond I dont feel like searching for a gland but I dont feel like dying next week. I hope me fartin all over the airwaves isnt a sign from god telling me to say Screw dr feel good say hello to doctor long finger. Well it will be worth it though. I gotta live. because if I go these two would be out of the job and have no idea where to go. Mary and Tony would be like 2 little lost kitty cats. Not the cute ones but the ones that are in alleys getting captured and being sent to get euthanized (not youthanized, which tony would think that would be for getting rid of his dang wrinkles). But i aint gonna let that happen. MCLOVIN would still be missing and not a superstar anymore. Im so glad he is an Intern. if he started to get paid I might lose all the attention. so there are some pros and cons to this over the air, moon flashin, prostate exam. but im gonna do it not to freak out mary and tony but to know when im in Vegas this weekend im gonna be sippin an oh so virgin pina colada. Cause im alive baby. see ya monday

I know it sounds weird, but take it from me, fellow travelers, if you’re going somewhere and there’s a possibilty you’ll be feeding yourself,  you can survive with good olive oil, an onion, and of course,  salt. I take a few trips each year with my girlfriends and we usually rent a house. Totally fun, but rentals don’t always have what one needs and sometimes the grocery stores can be sketchy. BUT! If you have the abovementioned essentials, you can make something easy and delicious like Ferry Boat House Fish.  If you’re feeding about 4: run up to the store, or better yet the fish market, and buy 2 or 3 lbs. of thick snapper fillets. Actually any firm white fish will do, but I like snapper cuz it’s affordable and you can’t really screw it up. Saute’ that onion, finely diced, in the olive oil till nice and soft, then slide in the fish. Cook it on medium heat till it starts to look opaque, salt and pepper it, and carefully turn it over and cook the other side till the fish looks ready to flake. A good rule is 10 minutes per inch of fish, but you’ll know when it’s done; it’ll look right. Take out any obvious bones and that’s it – serve it with some fresh lemon if you have it, some vegetables, a little pasta, whatever. This is also great because even after a few glasses of wine it’s still easy to do. And the cool thing is that because you remembered your olive oil and onion you made an easy, delicious, and fabulous dinner, which could also prevent a hangover! You are brilliant.

Well my woman be mad at me. Ive been sleeping on an air mattress for the last couple nights because of my jacked up back and for some reason I got this idea to try the air mattress cause my cousin Dewey said that it worked for him after he went out drinkin one night, and he was walking back to his trailor in port orchard when out of nowhere a cop decided to stop him for public drunkeness by hitting him with the cop car. That air mattress healed him like chocolate for Sally Struthers. Anyways when Mary was talking about this boy who could hotwire an airplane and I was thinkin to myself, dang if i could do that i could save so much money on all those vacations I take. One weekend, Nashville. The next one, Nantucket Baby! Needs to make my woman happy and save some money in the pocket. Man if I could hotwire a plane I could have a life time supply of frequent flyer miles and penuts!!! Anyways for the Fitz Impossible Question, Mary and Tony just gave me so much crap for baby talking for susie. The thing is, my kids wont stay looking cute little babies for the rest of there lives, but my susie shes gonna stay the same until death stops chasing mary and comes after her. I love my Susie Lou Snuffelufogus. Anyways I have Phil Camino’s wedding this weekend and Im taking the whole family and Susie. Didn’t something like this happen already? I believe it was called National Lampoons Vegas Vacation or something. I sometimes I wish I had cameras following me 24/7. Why is that? Well I’d be a lot more interesting than John and Kate plus 8, or known now as Hoochie John and Kate’s Making bank off eight. My dear MCLOVIN is still missing. I worry about his lollipop guild leadin butt. Its like leaving a kitty in Michael Vicks Basement! And YES ITS FULL OF PITBULLS AND ROTWIELERS!! I gotta get going journal. Im afraid Bethany is gonna pop my air mattress before i pack it up for Vegas. Thats right, Im taking it VEGAS BABY!! VIVA LAS MATTRESS!!! see ya tomorrow

First day of fall everybody. Cant believe my momma called me at 3:30AM!!! WAY TO EARLY MOMMA!! I was up late watching dancing with the stars. I needed my Chuck Lidell and Carrie Ann Anaba fix. Momma just dosent understand how much those superstars take it out of me, but i loves my momma she just wanted to let me know that ATLANTA IS FACING THE APOCALYPSE! and that I needed to call my friend Chris. When i called chris in a frantic hurry this morning, he answered and said, “Boy im busy! im on my way to work!” !Click! ah well. ill talk to him later. he’s busy fixin messed up teethers.  Im not worried about him though. Im really worried about sweet ol Jessica Simpson. Shes lockin herself in her parents house. I understand that her dog got eaten by coyotes cause my little Mclovin has gone missing. We got coyotes up here and i think he got taken by them. I havent seen and pieces yet so i think we are ok right now. but my sweet Jessica, youve been through some hell. So much it left my dear Tony Romo getting DESTROYED with the rest of my COWBOYS!! Dewey called in this morning. its always good to hear from him but ya know when you have a restraining order against him thats just good ol family love. I cant believe he used his dads last words as a joke today for the LOL. I miss Uncle Chuck. Anyways, Phil Caminos’ wedding is this weekend. Viva Las Vegas BABY!!! Im trying to devise a plan to save Phil from this. Mr. Mighty and I will be giving you the recap as some brand new Secret Freakin Audio on monday. The thing is though, I cannot see Phil going on being a sad panda for the rest of his life. Its just not right. If he decides to go through with it and I cant talk him out of it, Right when elvis says you may kiss the bride and she ends up smacking him in the face, im gonna twit pic that. Maybe I can find my connections with Kanye and see if I could get him to interupt the service, but if I cant, i will wish him all the best. Anyways my friends and P1’s, I need to go start puting up missing posters to get back my sweet MCLOVIN. If you have seen him, yes you can possibly win tickets for Lee Ann Rimes. See ya tomorrow.

Is it weird that I seem to be obsessed with eggs right now? I guess it’s just that they’re freakishly versatile and inexpensive; even the good organic ones laid by enlightened happy birds are affordable when you think of the great protein units. And speaking of something EZ and good for parties, you all into frittatas? If not, you’ll love ‘em when you try ‘em, and I’m talking for any meal. For a basic frittata for four: Saute 1 medium onion in olive oil till translucent, then add a meat of your choice, like ham, sausage, bacon, etc., and then some vegetables like sliced zucchini, asparagus, or mushrooms. Do make sure that everything is relatively the same size and drain off any extra fat that comes off your pork products. When everything is nice and soft and happy, add 8 or so gently beaten, salt and peppered eggs and turn that burner down to low. Don’t stir – this isn’t a scramble! When the sides look kind of set, grate lots of fresh parmesan on top, or parm and mozzarella mixed, and slip the whole big pan into your pre-heated 350 oven. Let it hang out for 10 minutes or so, or until the top is brownish and the cheese is all melted. Let it cool slightly, maybe throw some appropriate fresh chopped herbs on top, and your frittata can sit out, cut in nice wedges or squares, and will be lovely hot, warm, or room temp for whenever you need it. Eggs rock!

It just occurred to me the other day that eggs are a wonderful thing. We had some people stopping by and I thought – what do we have that would make a dee-licious app and is EZ? Deviled eggs. Yes, my friends, they’re not just for picnics and summer anymore. You all probably think eggs are a no-brainer, but I have some ideas to make ‘em party worthy.  Once you peel your eggs, split ‘em, &  mix the yolks with the mayo and mustard, think: horseradish, a tiny bit of bleu cheese, and smoked paprika. Or mix in a few tablespoons of pesto and toss some toasted pine nuts on ‘em. And if you like spicy, try some chopped fresh cilantro, cumin, and a sprinkling of cayenne on top. GOOD!!    more soon        xo M

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http://twitpic.com/gnfzw – My killer dog susie at the dog park…these people are obsessed