I heard a guy make a simple yet very profound statement today. He said, “relationships are messy.” We hear that and quickly think well no sh*#, but do we really get that simple fact? When I talk to young couples getting ready to get married I enjoy how naive they are before walking down the aisle. They picture a story book romance where they will both make great money, never lose their young good looks, and the romance will be as hot as Arizona asphalt in August. And they get married and they may actually have all those things for…two weeks. No they may actually have all of those things for quite some time, but eventually LIFE HAPPENS. Eventually things just get messy and that is when you realize that love isn’t just something you feel, but it has to be something you DO.

When I perform marriage ceremonies I remind people that love is to labor, learn, listen, and laugh. We have to always be willing to work on our relationships. They can truly get messy and we have to be willing to work very hard to clean up the mess. We have to be willing to learn from our partners. They may actually know a little more than us about certain topics. It is exhausting to be around people who think they are always right or who always have to be instructing and never listening. Listening is so very important. This is especially true for women. Guys they want you to listen and NOT tell them to get straight to the point. And then there is the ability to laugh at each other and ESPECIALLY at ourselves. We can’t take life too seriously and not be willing to admit when we are being silly or unreasonable.

I don’t say this to brag, but I have a great marriage. Honestly, just last night I was looking at my wife across the table at dinner with some friends and I was overwhelmed. I can’t believe that this beautiful woman is my wife. I look forward to coming home to her every day. However, there have been many times where it got messy…very messy. There were times we could have cashed it in or just said it’s too hard, but we didn’t. And it is through wading through some of those messes and being willing to do the work to clean it up, that I am able to say that our marriage is very good. So I say all this to say if your marriage is really a mess right now, it doesn’t have to stay that way. Take the time to get some help and remember that with some laboring, learning, and listening…you can find that love and laughter again.

Love Ya,

Tony

Over the weekend I watched the movie Bagger Vance. Bagger (Will Smith) was a caddy who helped a golfer named Junaeu (Matt Damon) find his swing. Damon’s character had the potential to be an amazing golfer, but he had lost his swing while having to fight in World War II. Bagger eventually helps Junaue overcome his demons, push through his fears, and in the end he helps him find his swing. He lets him know that everyone has a great swing deep down inside of them and they just have to find it. In other words, we all have great desires and dreams in our heart and we ALSO HAVE the ability to live them out! My dream and passion in life is to be able to help people find their swing in life. So I thought I would share some thought with you today from one of my favorite books titled “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge. I can honestly say Eldredge’s writings have helped change my life.

One point Eldredge makes is that all men want to live out a great adventure and to have a battle to fight. Unfortunately many men replace that need for adventure with living a life that is practical or safe. Their dreams and the need for adventure are replaced with organizing the garage or an obsession with sports. They then find their self feeling unsatisfied.

A point that he made about women I found very interesting. He says that all women have one question that they want answered. From birth women want to know if they are lovely. They want to know that they are captivating. If this question goes unanswered or if they feel that the answer is no, then they will go in search of acceptance from someone…anyone. I don’t have to explain how this can lead to major problems.

Now, here is the scary part of all this…the confidence to pursue the adventure and the answer to the question all women have comes from our parents. It is scary because many of us are parents and this is a heavy burden to bare. It is a lot of responsibility and like 98% of our parents, we may not handle it very well.

You see guys, your question that needed to be answer by mom and dad (especially dad) was, “do I have what it takes”? Your confidence to rage into the battles of life that leads to your dreams is fueled by how you think that question was answered. Ladies, you wanted to know, “Am I lovely…am I captivating”? So if dad was neglectful or abusive, then you can understand how that could destroy your self-esteem.

My point is this, PLEASE understand that your parents may not have answered the question correctly (most don’t). You do have what it takes to fight the battle. You can achieve the greatest desires of your heart. You can become all that God designed you to be, which is nothing short of greatness. Don’t settle for a life of mediocrity when the battle awaits YOU. Ladies, you are incredibly captivating. Anyone, I said ANYONE, who makes you feel anything less is obviously not someone that is supposed to be in your life. They need to find a therapist to work through THEIR issues and leave you alone.

I love you and look forward to talking to you in the morning…SWING AWAY!

Tony

My good friend Kevin and I have decided to share a blog and mission to help people unleash the champion within! One of the first things you need to know is that supportive and loving friends are the key to your success in life. I’m talking about friends who will believe in you when you don’t! Below is the story of how Kevin and I became friends from birth!

Author: Coach Kevin Mitchell

Tony and I spent the night together the first time when I was four years old. I was so excited to have my best buddy over for our first sleep over that I, as a gesture of good will, allowed him to sleep with my most prized possession – my stuffed Popeye doll. To my dismay I was awakened in the middle of the night by my pal, throwing up all over my bed and ….yes, my Popeye. Funny, I don’t don’t remember playing with my Popeye after that fateful night. One of my earliest memories interestingly enough is centered around one who has been my BBF (Best Buddy Forever). This, fortunately was not our last sleepover, but definitely one of the most memorable.

Our friendship over the years has faced many different challenges, from distance, to divorce, depression, careers, college, kids, seminary, successes, and suffering, but through it all our friendship has remained one of the most cherished, and rewarding things in my life. Somehow, through all of our lives we have been able to see the best in each other, to believe in each other’s potential when we couldn’t believe in ourselves. When we have felt like the most miserable failures the other has been able to be there and lift the others spirit and help the other see that all is not lost, that the incredible innate passions, talents, and skills that were within still equated a future full of potential.

I find it interesting that though distance has separated us for over 20 years that our lives have taken incredibly parallel paths: from running together through the back roads and trails of our semi rural homes in Scott Depot WV, to moves to highly urbanized areas, divorce, remarriage, kids, training, church experiences, service oriented pursuits and careers, to the less obvious core values, and passions. Regardless, at this point in our journey we have arrived at a point where we are ready to share what we believe to be life transforming truths with others who are struggling along their paths, just like us. Through our life experiences, our training, our skills, strengths and training, but possibly more important our deep seeded desire to see people reach their full potential, and be liberated from some of the heavy burdens that life can hand us.

We are not sure where this is going to lead us, but we will ask that you pray with us that as we begin to share our story that people will begin to see the incredible power in their own life story. That people begin to live life unleashed, so that the champion in each one of us will be revealed.

Now, back to the story. On a recent trip home, while sitting visiting with Tony’s parents I discovered that Tony did not just experience a random act of puking that night, but in fact I am sure that there was motive, even revenge plotted in that greatly disturbing act. Long before our first sleep over, when we were both under two years old we had our first meeting. While being held in our mother’s arms on his front porch, when our parents presented us to each other, not sure of what the future would hold for these incredible bundles of potential, I slowly reached out, and very decisively, and apparently very painfully tweaked by new buddy’s nose resulting in an episode of crying that took some time apparently for him to recover – about three and a half years!

This morning on the show we talked about the fact that Fitz’s son is coming into his bedroom every night and saying he is scared of monsters. The little man says he sees a green monster with blood on his face (proof that creativity runs in the family). Many people called in to give advice with many saying that Fitz should take a spray bottle and fill it full of water and tell his son to spray it around the room to kill all the monsters. Others suggested flushing the monster, some said throw magic powder around the room, and then there was the mom in Enumclaw who said give him LOTS of Benadryl (we are contacting CPS). Now all that sounds cute and creative, but there is one HUGE flaw in that type of parenting. And rather than me telling you what that is I will copy and paste an email I received from Theron Morgan. Theron is a licensed counselor and can be contacted by going to http://www.morgancounseling.com/. I loved his response to all of our creative parenting ideas.

“The problem with lime juice, powders, flushing monsters, etc. is that you are validating that there are monsters. That you should be afraid. That even you are concerned about their presence. The answer is in your protection – You will be there!!!

Our job as parents is not to play along with the magical beliefs or to try and be their buddy…our job is to be the parent and to teach them reality from fiction. Often times that means practicing a little tough love and not allowing them to manipulate us into jumping in the bed with us. When I say tough love I am not talking about spanking them. I’m talking about making them cry it out.

Well I hope this helped you as much as it did me. Even though I have actually had some training as a counselor and spent many years working with kids…I still allow my own to manipulate me into giving them exactly what they want. In the end, they will be the ones to suffer for my lack of leadership and strength. Because when they get in the real world they will realize that kicking and screaming will get them nowhere but the unemployment line.

I am a little late getting to the social networking party, but I am enjoying it. I have just recently jumped on the twittering bandwagon. I started out at myspace and over time I have totally turned my back on my myspace friends. I have a strange feeling of guilt about doing so, but what was I supposed to do…facebook is so much better and has a lot less clutter. And not to mention you can find people a lot easier on facebook. A little too easily actually! Seriously, be honest…haven’t you had people request to be your facebook buddy and thought “why in the world do they want to be my friend…we weren’t even friends in high school!” And then there is the dreaded “blast from the past” friend request.

You know, that person you dated just long enough to make you wonder if accepting them as a friend would be sort of like cheating on your spouse! Oh you don’t have feelings for them anymore, but it still feels wrong to be back in contact with them. However, a part of you is dying to know what they look like after 10 or 20 years. And secretly you hope they have lost all their hair, gotten fat, have a meth addiction, and/or have a terribly low paying job (you admit to none of that). You can’t help yourself, because if you dumped them you want to feel like you made a good move right? And if they dumped you then you want to feel like they got what was coming to them! I’m talking about you here not me. I would never have those impure thoughts, because I am a man of the cloth and one step from being holy. Well OK, so I would at least hope they had gotten somewhat ugly and a little chubby, but not the meth addiction…you went too far on that one.

Then there is the fact that you get to resolve some of the questions that you have had over the years. For example, my suspicions about Jimmy & Denny being gay were right on target. I suspected it back in 1985 and have often wondered about it, but now I know. I know because I went to their facebooks and saw pictures of them at parties with only men. I’m not being rude or poking fun, but I know they are gay because when I have a party where there are only guys present…it’s because there is a big game on TV AND we don’t sit on each other’s laps. Now I can’t help but wonder what Denny was thinking about when he spent the night over at my house all those times in high school.

Then there are all those friend updates so that I know what is going on in peoples lives that I haven’t bothered to contact for twenty years. Seriously, we haven’t bothered to even call one another, but now we are virtually spying on each other all the time. I know that Michelle just finished washing laundry, John has church tonight, Dan just bought a new car, and Clay just closed up his salon for the weekend (I’ve been meaning to give him Jimmy or Denny’s number).

This whole Twitter thing is strangely addicting. We can tell people what we are doing 24-7. And we do so as if people actually care what we are doing. It makes us all feel like rock stars or sex symbols doesn’t it? As if people are clinging to our every move! Tony is shopping at Wal*Mart and can’t find that can of beans his wife needs for the chili. I can literally text that into my Twitter and for some strange reason I picture all those who follow me going, “oh that is soooooo cool…Tony is buying beans! I will check back in 15 minutes to see if he found the beans. Then in an hour I will see if his wife fixed him chili with beans. Then three hours later I will check to see if she is making him sleep on the couch because she put WAY TOO many beans in the chili.”

Well if you made it this far…thanks for reading my strange thoughts. I love ya and look forward to Facebooking, Twittering, and Myspacing with you soon!