People often write to me and ask for advice regarding their marriage or dating relationships. Sometimes it scares me, because I have told more than a few to dump the bum they are dating. I picture some huge dude that I have never met before coming up and punching me out, because his girlfriend dumped him based on my advice. So maybe it would be best if I just generalized some of my thoughts and advice rather than giving direct and TRACEABLE advice via email.

First lets talk to those of you who are dating. I get a lot of emails that ask about how they should react to a significant other cheating on them or physically abusing them. If you are dating someone and they continually cheats on you…kick their butt to the curb and whatever you do don’t marry them. If you are dating someone who hurts you physically in any way shape or form…call the police, get a restraining order, and whatever you do don’t marry them.

There is not a single person reading this that deserves to be hit, slapped, or pushed around. Ladies, God created you to be adored, respected, and loved. Men, God created you to be respected and cared for as well. If you say to me, “BUT Tony they might change” or “I pushed them into doing it” then I may scream an obscenity and as a pastor and counselor that is not a good thing for me to do. You are too valuable to roll the dice on whether they will change or not. And let me let you in on a well known fact…people who cheat or smack around on their significant other don’t usually change after they get married. They rarely change, but they often times get a whole lot worse. Hey I believe in Jesus so we you know I am all about forgiveness and grace, but you aren’t Jesus so let Him take care of them!

For those of you that are married it is a little more difficult to dispense advice, but let me give you a few things that has really help my marriage. Are you ready because this is life changing? Quit keeping score and being a stubborn jackass. There you go…have a nice night!

I’m just teasing with you. Oh I’m serious about the quit keeping score and being a jackass, but I am teasing about stopping with my Dr. Philish type advice. What happens in most marriages is that people begin to think like this, “I am not going to be affectionate with them, because they aren’t being very affectionate with me.” Another example may be, “they aren’t talking to me, so I just wont’ talk to them either!” Listen to me now, your marriage will never get better if you both refuse to give in or break the cycle of dysfunction.

Try this and just see what happens. The next time you feel neglected by your spouse, I want you to do something very kind and loving for them. The next time you get into one of those silly little arguments, be the first one to say your sorry. The next time your spouse begins to scream don’t scream back. This is HUGE my little marital maniacs…you don’t have to fight fire with fire. Someone can choose to be the adult and do everything they can to make things better. And for God’s sake figure out a way to go on a date once a week or at least every other week.

Many will say, “Tony we can’t afford to go out.” I say to them, “You can’t afford not too.” This is especially true for those of you with kids. If you aren’t spending time alone together, then before long you will feel like you are in business together rather than in a relationship together. You will begin to feel like you are just together to pay bills and taxi the kids around. Let me blunt with you here…if you aren’t dating each other and knockin boots on a fairly regular basis, then your marriage feels more like a bad business deal than an intimate relationship.

Lastly, remember it is you and your sweet thang against the world. Take this how you will, but I believe that every relationship is in a battle. We live in a culture that appears to do everything it can to destroy our relationships. That would explain the divorce rate! Unfortunately many fail to join forces and fight with everything they have to keep their love strong. Instead they get divided and conquered. Recognize that all relationships are very difficult, and you must join together and fight against anything and anyone that can divide and conquer.

For some that may be that little huzzy or man whore in the corner cubicle. If you are in a relationship then stop going by their desk to just say hello. Now you will think I’m crazy on this one, but I’m going to say it anyway. If you are married you have no business going to lunch or dinner with anyone of the opposite sex alone. And you sure don’t have any business going out to a bar and getting tanked without your spouse. Call me old fashioned, but I don’t believe in girls or boys nights out at the local meat market! If you want to have a boy or girls night out then go to a nice restaurant or someone’s home…not a bar where hormonal hunks and honeys are looking for love in all the wrong places.

So there you go…thats my advice for many of your emails that I have received recently. It was all free so you can’t complain or sue me for malpractice. Just know that I love you and my greatest desire is that you have a life that is abundantly full of peace and joy. Now get off the stupid computer and go jump your spouse’s bones!!!!